Random stuff...

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A
CUP OF BOILING
WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL
INSTANTLY REMOVE
ITSELF.
2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY
GETTING SOMEONE
ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING
THE TOILET SEAT BY
USING THE SINK.
4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT
YOURSELF AND BLEED
FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON
YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER
TO USE A TIMER.
5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK
WILL PREVENT YOU
FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU
HIT THE SNOOZE
BUTTON.
6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF
LAXATIVES. THEN
YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT
TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T
MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T
MOVE AND DOES, USE
THE DUCT TAPE.
8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO
KNOW THEM.
9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN
ELECTRICAL
PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT
REALLY GOOD FOR
ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN
PUSHED DOWN THE
STAIRS.

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Not a day goes by that I don't see something that reinforces my belief that people are idiots.