The Penis
I, The Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:- I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
- I do not get weekends or holidays off.
- I work in a damp environment.
- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
- I work in high temperatures.
- My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely, The Penis
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, The Administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
- You do not work eight hours straight.
- You fall asleep after brief work periods.
- You do not always follow the orders of the Management Team.
- You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
- You do not take initiative.
- You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
- You leave the work place rather messy at the end of your shift.
- You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
- You will retire well before you are 65.
- You are unable to work double shifts.
- You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned tasks.
- And if that were not enough, you are constantly seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely, The Management