New Stock Market Terms
BEAR MARKET A 6- to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
BROKER What my broker has made me.
BULL MARKET A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
CASH FLOW The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
CEO Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO Corporate Fraud Officer.
FINANCIAL PLANNER A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR Past year investor whos now locked up in a nuthouse.
MARKET CORRECTION The day after you buy stocks.
P/E RATIO The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
PROFIT An archaic word no longer in use.
STANDARD & POOR Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
VALUE INVESTING The art of buying low and selling lower.
WINDOWS What you jump out of when youre the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
YAHOO What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
