Q: What do you call 1,000 Lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A: A good start.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.

Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with a Doctor, A tax Collector, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery.

Q: What's the difference between a law firm and a circus?
A: At a circus, the clowns don't charge the public by the hour.

Q: What do lawyers do after they die?
A: They lie still.

Q: What's worse than pleading guilty to murder?
A: Getting jail time and getting robbed--hiring an attorney to defend you.

Q: What do you call a judge gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.