Thread: Congress Errors, Prioritises Education!

WASHINGTON—According to bewildered and contrite legislators, a major budgetary mix-up this week inadvertently provided the nation’s public schools with enough funding and resources to properly educate students.

Sources in the Congressional Budget Office reported that as a result of a clerical error, $80 billion earmarked for national defense was accidentally sent to the Department of Education, furnishing schools with the necessary funds to buy new textbooks, offer more academic resources, hire better teachers, promote student achievement, and foster educational excellence—an oversight that apologetic officials called a “huge mistake.”

“Obviously, we did not intend for this to happen, and we are doing everything in our power to right the situation and discipline whoever is responsible,” said House Budget Committee chairman Paul Ryan (R-WI), expressing remorse for the error. “I want to apologize to the American people. The last thing we wanted was for schools to upgrade their technology and lower student-to-teacher ratios in hopes of raising a generation of well-educated, ambitious, and skilled young Americans.”

“That’s the type of irresponsible misspending that I’ve been focused on eliminating for my entire political career,” Ryan added.

Spoof provided by The Onion, where caricature meets reality.

Back in the real world, Newt Gingrich now claims that anyone who accurately quotes his last Sunday TV interview is a liar.

Reality. Fiction. It's so hard to tell the difference anymore...

Originally Posted by adaher

What's funny is that if the Dept. of Education did have another $80 billion to play with, you wouldn't see an improvement in graduation rates or test scores. You would see more administrators hired and new textbooks that arent any better than the old textbooks.

well i have to disagree with you, with eh extra money this is what would happen.
1) all teachers will get a 3 year retroactive pay raise of 10 grand and they wil be paid 125% of any medical expenses that they or thier family have ever paid after all teachers are better than the avg person so they should not have to pay anything like the avg person does.
2) all teacher qualifactions will be abolished the logic being that scince teachers have no standards after they get tenure why bother having them before
3) all new text books will have the following changes
the first amendment will read that all news must be aproved of by liberals if any facts are shown that does not show liberals as being perfect it will be removed.
the second amendment will read that the gov has the right to force you to buy anyting they deterime that you should have.
4) anything good done by a non liberal president will be removed and credit will be given to the liberal president and anything bad done by a liberal president wil be removed and blamed on the conservitve president.
5) obama will be referd to as the greatest leader in the history of the world. and you can now pray in school again as long as it is to obama.