People, you are ruining things for the Bible literalists!

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Is our children learning? -George W. Bush

"I think—tide turning—see, as I remember—I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of—it's easy to see a tide turn—did I say those words?"—Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

"[T]he illiteracy level of our children are appalling."—Washington, D.C., Jan. 23, 2004

Right dropped right in front of Paul complete with maps

I'm afraid that I don't agree with your brothers

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"A dog barks when his master is attacked. I would be a coward if I saw that God's truth is attacked and yet would remain silent."
-John Calvin

If you ever get to Monticello, be sure to check out Jefferson's Bible. He separated Jesus' words out from the Gospels to get at the crux of it all.

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"The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no God. It neither breaks my leg, nor picks my pocket."

Thomas Jefferson

Watched a lot of Simpsons recently. Groening loves the subject of religion. Some quotes from Groening:

"I was very disturbed when Jesus found a demon in a guy, and he put the demon in a herd of pigs, then sent them off a cliff [Mark 5:12-13]. What did the pigs do? I could never figure that out. It just seemed very un-Christian."

And from Bart Simpson:

"Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing."

Rev. Lovejoy on the Movementarians:

"This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Let us say the Lord's prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate. . .and as we pass the collection plate, please give as if the person next to you was watching."

And finally, Superintendent Chalmers:

"A prayer in public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion."

Is it any wonder this show has lasted 400 episodes?

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"The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no God. It neither breaks my leg, nor picks my pocket."

Thomas Jefferson

Personally, I think the Prodigal Son is represents Jesus' teachings of love and caring. Unconditional love can exist within us all, but it is up to us to allow it to exist.

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Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity.
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate.
Desperate to control all and everything.
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.
--Tool, The Grudge

Oh, and speaking of Jefferson, I read something from him almost weekly. Here's the latest gem I've discovered:

"The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus. . .in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter."

And:

"Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on man. . .perverted into an engine for enslaving mankind. . .a mere contrivance [for the clergy] to filch wealth and power to themselves."

Ah, how I do love our Christian Founding Fathers.

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"The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no God. It neither breaks my leg, nor picks my pocket."

Thomas Jefferson

Or, as my personal saviour Penn Jillette once said, "Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good. . .I have to try to treat people right the first time around."

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"The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no God. It neither breaks my leg, nor picks my pocket."

Thomas Jefferson

I have in my collection of books a parody of a high-school creationist biology text written by Tom Weller. It is called Science Made Stupid: How to Discomprehend the World Around Us. In it, he writes:

"Several thousand years ago, a small tribe of ignorant near-savages wrote various collections of myths, wild tales, lies, and gibberish. Over the centuries, these stories were embroidered, garbled, mutilated, and torn into small pieces that were then repeatedly shuffled. Finally, this materials was badly translated into several languages successfully. The resultant text, creationists feel, is the best guide to this complex and technical subject."

The real question, I think, is not to discern (from the Gospels) what might have been Jesus' words . Rather, the question is whether to throw the whole lot of rot in the garbage or continue to debate whatever few merits the Bible might have. I think Frank Zappa best sums why any person with a shred of curiousity about them should abandon this unworthy text as anything other than a cultural relic:

"The essence of Christianity is told us in the Garden of Eden story. The subtext is, All the suffering you have is because you wanted to find out what was going on. You could be in the Garden of Eden if you had just kept your fucking mouth shut and hadn't asked any questions. . .'Get smart and I'll fuck you over,' sayeth the Lord. Is this not an absolutely anti-intellectual religion?"

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"The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no God. It neither breaks my leg, nor picks my pocket."

Thomas Jefferson

Actually I would say it's "I, as the all-powerful being, warned you not to do something and you did and there were consequences, but I still have a plan so I am going to DIE for you." we could go on forever about this though.

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"A dog barks when his master is attacked. I would be a coward if I saw that God's truth is attacked and yet would remain silent."
-John Calvin

How does an all powerful being die? If he contols all aspects of existense, then how is that a sacrifice? Death to an all powerful being would be like the magician falling through the trap door. It's just part of the act, so no harm was done.

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Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity.
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate.
Desperate to control all and everything.
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.
--Tool, The Grudge

And right there is one of my big problems with Christianity. God made the decision that He HAD TO HAVE a blood payment, so Jesus got the job. Demanding blood revenge is a very human attitude, nothing I see in the good teachings of Jesus or in my own experience lead me to believe that God did anything of the sort--just like the supposed threats of smearing feces on the faces of people who He was angry with--I thing this is human behavior attributed to God, which in these cases, makes it blasphemy. Of course no one is required to agree with me and I don't intend to threaten anyone with eternal damnation or ask for blood payment either.

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The apocalypse is coming... we're gonna need more ammo.

Well ok here is an interesting issue, Why Christ had to die. First you must remember that Christ is part of the trinity so it's not like God said someone has to die and then picked Christ. In a way God sacrificed himself. Now I see Christs death as accomplishing two important things (there are more i believe but I will stick to these two). First, he defeats Hell and death. It is of extreme comfort to me to know that my God has gone through death and has been resurrected and promises me the same thing. Second, according to the Law everyone is cursed who does not follow it to the letter. God saw people thinking the law was a way to be saved and sent prophets to tell them believe, and then sent Christ. Christ's death made an "exception clause" if you will and says you are free from the law by belief alone.

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"A dog barks when his master is attacked. I would be a coward if I saw that God's truth is attacked and yet would remain silent."
-John Calvin

Well except Christ was the all powerful being embodied in human form so he did die. But you are right in a way he was resurrected .

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"A dog barks when his master is attacked. I would be a coward if I saw that God's truth is attacked and yet would remain silent."
-John Calvin

"God required his son to suffer in order to save the world. That is an image of God as a child abuser, and Jesus is imaged as the perfect victim. He accepts the abuse and does it silently. He is praised in his religious community for accepting abuse as the highest form of love. . .If [this is] the virtue of God's son. . .how is the victim of the priest's abuse going to find a justification for raising a protest?. . .How is the church going to see the perpetrators of abuse clearly if it can't see its own conceptualization of God as abuser?"

--Rebecca Ann Parker, professor of theology & ordained Methodist minister (writes about the connections between domestic violence & theology )

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"The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no God. It neither breaks my leg, nor picks my pocket."

Thomas Jefferson

You accept without question things that make absolutely no sense to me, things that appear to be inherently contradictory. You believe things about the Creator of the Universe that are unbelievable to me, and yet you take them as "given" and impossible to question. If it makes you happy, then I guess it's good for you. My brothers would be lost without their version of your religion.

I do think that Mark Twain makes a valid point about abuse considering how much of it has taken place under the aegis of the Church.

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The apocalypse is coming... we're gonna need more ammo.