Greetings and Felicitations,

I started to put this in Off Topic but I think it is a humanities issue. If the moderators think it should be moved then that is fine.

I don't understand how some parents, particularly male parents, can have so little care for their children. This is the situation. I am engaged to a wonderful woman and we are working on a blended family. We prefer the term bonus family of five kids. Two from my past and three from hers.
The youngest girl A fell down while riding her scooter and most likely broke her foot. They are still waiting for the swelling to go down to be sure. This happened as I was getting home from work and we immediately headed towards the hospital. We tried to reach her bio-father and left a message about what had happened. When he called back he didn't ask how was A? Is she OK? Can I talk to her? His only reply was: good, I can file that with my insurance and get money back even though his insurance doesn't pay for her bills. Evidently, it is one of those things that pay money back to the insurer when accidents happen. He doesn't even plan on helping but is only interested in keeping the money he gets back.

I don't understand. How can one be so unconcerned over the welfare of his children? What level of selfishisness exist where a parent can care so little about their children? If this happened to me I would be on my way to see how my daughter was doing (Which I have done)? How can your only consideration be how much money you can get back because your child was injured enough to go to the hospital?

Lord Vicari

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I should say up front, I've seen this lack of parental instinct from both mothers and fathers, though. It's something I don't understand either. I wish I could tell you these selfish people do get better if you prod them along, but they don't. My ex is one of these selfish people, which is a huge reason why he is the ex. I do think he would have shown some concern over our kids had been in your recent situation. No, he wouldn't have met me up at the emergency room or even come over afterwards to see with his own eyes and provide comfort with his own hands and no, he wouldn't help out with any of the medical costs (he hasn't helped out in two years, so why would he start now?), but he would ask to speak with the child on the phone and he *might* call the next day to follow up. However, if one of the kids needed to go to the ER or was badly injured during visitation with their dad - I'm on my way to be with my kids.

I have the most difficult time understanding non-custodial parents who become absentee parents. My best friend's sister is like this. She actually has custody of her daughter and gradually the dad had the child more and more. The little girl just turned 8 or 9 and last I heard the mom hasn't seen her daughter since last Christmas. This same mom has a 3 year son from a different relationship. She has custody of the boy and his father is rarely around. It seems like she constantly yells at the boy and is always trying to find a sitter.

Anyways, this whole selfish parenting thing is a huge sore spot for me, but you know what I list as selfish behavior from my ex someone else may say I'm too demanding. The bittersweet part is how my kids don't see it. I'm glad my kids adore their dad and that I've been able to protect them from a lot of his BS, however a lot of it has ended up working against me. My ex has been poisioning our kids against me with comments like, "I love your mom and want us to be a family, but your mom doesn't" and now my four year old tells me almost everyday, "Why don't you love my dad? My dad loves you! You need to be nice to him" and I just have to tell her with as big of a smile as I can, "I'm so glad he's your dad" or "I love that he's your dad" and the list goes on and on of how he makes me look like the bad guy

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I caught an article on CNN.com one day not too long ago that said Fathers have the same instincts as women when it comes to children but it is not nutured and supported so the chemicals do not get reinforced.

Going back you always see in the movies and on old TV shows that the Father is more of a disciplinarian and aloof to the kids than the mother.

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Patriot, Conservative, Libertarian

Greetings and Felicitations,

I won't be posting any more about this right now. If I do it will turn into a rant and I don't want that. If someone wants to move it to the Off Topic section I might but I am really aggravated that her father doesn't even want to come to the surgery.

Lord Vicari

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I do not understand either. One would think, after so many years of evolution that benefits the caring parents, nobody would be a non-caring parent. Common sense indicate, and statistics prove, that children where both parents care, fare better in life. However, I guess this kind of selfish trait has survived in part because fathers can make so many babies that the mothers take care of anyway.

I do not understand people who do not want to become parents at all, either. On the other hand, if they know they would not become decent parents, I guess it is better if they never will.

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