oooooohhhhhh......

__________________

"The captain has turned off the `No Dubbing' sign. You are free to speak any language you choose."

Bill Clinton started jogging near his home in
Chappaqua.

But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker
standing on the same street corner, day after day.

With some apprehension he would brace himself as he
approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.

"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton.

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued�
for days.
He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!"

And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!"

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to
accompany her husband on his jog!

As the jogging couple neared the problematic street
corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50
offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been
doing on all his past outings.

He realized he should have a darn good explanation
for the presidential hopeful.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past
the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than
usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker!

Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she
watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled...

See what you get for five bucks!?"

__________________
Not a day goes by that I don't see something that reinforces my belief that people are idiots.

I.Q. Test

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool, he noticed that the bartender was a robot.

The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment, then replied, "A martini, please".

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered, "Oh, about 164. "

The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity,

inter-stellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc.



The man was most impressed. He left the bar, but thought he would try

different tactic. He returned and took a seat.

Again, the robot clicked and asked what he would have.

A martini, please."

Again it was superb.

The robot again asked, "What is your IQ, sir?"

This time the man answered, "Oh, about 100". So the robot started

discussing NASCAR racing, bass fishing and what to expect the

Steelers to do this weekend.



The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool . . . Again a martini, and the question

"What is your IQ?"

This time the man drawled out "Uh . . . 'bout 50."



The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked,&nbs p;

"A-r-e y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e r-e-a-l-l-y g-o-i-n-g t-o

n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e O-B-A-M-A ?

__________________

"The captain has turned off the `No Dubbing' sign. You are free to speak any language you choose."

Two strangers are sitting in adjacent seats in an Airplane.

One guy says to the other, "Let's talk... I hear that the Flight will go faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow Passenger."

The other guy, who had just opened a good book, closes it slowly, takes off his glasses, and asks, "What would you like to discuss?"

The first guy says, "Oh, I don't know... How about Nuclear Power?"

The other guy says, "Okay, that could make for some pretty interesting conversation. But, let me ask you a question first: A Horse, a Cow, and a Deer all eat the same stuff. But, the Deer excretes pellets, the Cow, big patties, and the Horse, clumps of dried grass. Why is that?"

The first guy says, "I don't know."

The other guy says, "Oh? Well then, do you really think you're qualified to discuss Nuclear Power when you don't know Shit?"

__________________
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum



| Web Site | Forum | YouTube | MySpace | Facebook | Twitter | E-Mail |

__________________
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum



| Web Site | Forum | YouTube | MySpace | Facebook | Twitter | E-Mail |

OK. Here goes;

Subject: 3 wishes







Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Pennsylvanian are all working together one day.



They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give each on you one wish, which is three wishes in total," says the Genie.



The Canadian says, "I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."



POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.



Osama was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come in our precious land."



POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.



The Pennsylvanian says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."



The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 500 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable."





The Pennsylvanian sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, "Fill it with water."

Mrs. O'Rourke and Mrs. O'Hara were walking to market one day. Mrs. O'Rourke asks Mrs O'Hara, "So How are you feeling today, Mrs. O'Hara?" Mrs. O'Hara replies, " Ah, I'm not feeling meself today". Mrs. O'Rourke replies, "'Tis just as well dear, dat's a nasty habit, you know."

two immigrants get off the boat in New York, as they walk down the street the first one says "we gotta be careful in American, these American people aren't like the people in the old country"

The second asks "What do mean?"

The first says "For example, American people eat dogs"

The second one says "you're crazy"

Just then they turn the corner and see a big sign that says "HOT DOG".

The second one says "Sonnafabitch, you're right, I'm gonna be sick"

The first one says "Look at the the people lining up, it must taste pretty good, maybe we should try it?"

The second one says "No, I'll throw up and embarrass myself in front of all those people."

The first one says "Wait here, I'll go get some and bring it back, we can try it here where no ones looking, and if we don't like it we can just throw it away"

He returns with two small bags, he hands one to the second guy who opens it looks in, and then quickly closes it.
Then asks "What part did you get?"

__________________
“ The subjects of every state ought to contribute towards the support of the government, as nearly as possible, in proportion to their respective abilities; that is, in proportion to the revenue which they respectively enjoy under the protection of the state.”

Adam Smith , The Wealth of Nations 1776

"We have always known that heedless self-interest was bad morals; we know now that it is bad economics"
FDR's second Inaugural Address

funny.......

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What is the difference between
a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between
a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between
a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between
a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women
they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.


What did the blonde say when
she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

W hy did OJ Simpson want to
move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA .

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

What would you call it when
an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What's the difference between
a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal
on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little
80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between
a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit"

(Yahoo! Groups)

Do You Know Where Your "Economic Stimulus" Rebate Check Will Go ??

As you may have heard the Bush Administration said each and every one of us would now get a nice Rebate.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If we spend it on Gasoline it will all go to the Arabs.

If we purchase a Computer it will all go to India.

If we purchase Fruit and Vegetables it will all go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.

If we purchase a good Car it will all go to Japan.

If we purchase useless crap it will all go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America, so the only way to keep that money here at home is to buy Prostitutes and Beer, since those are the only businesses still in the U.S.

Then the Prostitutes will spend the money on Cocaine and the money will go back to the U.S. Government !

__________________
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum



| Web Site | Forum | YouTube | MySpace | Facebook | Twitter | E-Mail |

I guess its time for some more racial danish jokes. Im just translating them from danish sites, so dont kill the messenger!


Why do negros hate God? Wouldnt you do that too if you had pubic hair on your head?

Why is the Koran so big? It has to contain the entire danish welfare law.

What do you call a negro with a wooden leg? A stick in a shit.

Whats the simularity between a negro and a Christmas tree? Both of them got colored balls.

Whats the most common present for mothers day in Turkey? Shaving cream.

Whats the difference between a limp dick and a spick? The first is a hell to get in - the other is a hell to get out.

How can you tell if the burglary was committed by a spick? The garbage can is empty and the dog is pregnant.

__________________
January the 20th 2009. The day I started to respect America!

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was ideal for swimming, although he rarely did that anymore.

One evening he decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket with which to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or to make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up He said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old men can still think fast.

__________________
President Josiah Bartlet: Sweden has a 100% literacy rate. 100%! How do they do that?
Leo McGarry: Maybe they don't and they can't add.

This morning in my car, when I stood at the red light, a man in an orange football suit walked to my car and knocked on the window. I opened the window and he started talking "Have you heard? The German football team has been taken hostage. They are asking for €10 million. If they haven't recieved the money by tonight all players will be poured with gasoline and burned alive."

He continued: "That is why I am collecting for them". I took my purse from my pocked and asked "How much do most people give?". He answered: "Most give around 5 liters".