I just noticed these! I can't stop laughing! Some are hilarious!!

Wow....close to the mark. Here's a joke I posted on another site and got no reaction. In fact someone thought I was serious.

So first I best say: This is not a suggestion, it is a joke. And no, it is not intended to be racist or defamatory.

Thought it may be a good idea to split Iraq in two, what with the Sunnis and the Shi'ites always at each others throats. If we split it down the middle we could call one side Sunni Iraq and the other side Shi'ite Iraq.

Uh-oh...the Islamophobic-tossers are gonna get you!

When Mohammad Atta died, he was met at the Pearly Gates by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Mohammad with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

As Mohammad lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Mohammad Atta wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."

The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"

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Yup, and this is the number 1 reason Speakeasy pretends to like VA more than Texas...he knows too many Virginians can't get into heaven so he knows he'll be on the shortlist to kick the shit out future terrorists!

Btw sticking along the lines of sickenning humor that Wallaroo seems to have encompassed and the joke about about terrorists i remember quite a nasty joke circulating around the end of 2001.

It went along the lines of (Can't really remember it word for word):

Q: What did the 9/11 hijackers all day to one another before hitting the trade centers?

A: "I-slam, you-slam, we-slam, all-slam for Islam!"

I'm not really suee if that's meant to insult us or them or both! It makes fun of Islam itself as a name but there's more to it than that, a hidden meaning maybe and mocking the Islamic world's habbit of having names like Salam, Salim, al-Salim etc.

Hijacker to Pilot: Take me to a FREE Country!

Pilot to Hijacker: Sorry mate, this is an Airplane, not a Space Ship.

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Chaney is being driven around Washington D.C. and spots a little boy sitting in a park with a wagon. He thinks, "this is a great press opportunity" so he has his driver pull over. He gets out to talk to the little boy and discovers that he has 6 little puppies in the wagon. He comments on how nice they are and the little boy says "Thank you sir, they're Republicans!" Of course Chaney is extremely pleased by this.

A few days later, Bush decides to take one of his jogs down to McDonalds, which is close to the park, and Chaney mentions that if he should see a little boy with a wagon he should stop and talk to him. Well, Bushl sees the little boy with his wagon and puppies so he tells the little boy, "what nice puppies those are!" The boy says, "Thank you sir. They're Democrates!" "Wait a minute," says Bush, "You told Chaney that they were Republicans." The boy responds, "Yes sir, they were, but now their eyes are open!"

I got a better one!

'Cause I'm Slam Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slam Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slam Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up...

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January the 20th 2009. The day I started to respect America!

Well he was from Detroit...

Btw i only added in the hyphens as i typed it as "I-slam" would make no sense written "Islam" and for some reason i didn't write it as I slam...maybe i am prejudice towards the names of muslim terrorists? Who knows.

Anyway so i guess the name part was my ad-libbing.

Go on, its your turn again now...

Kinda like Ha-sidim, You-sidim, We-all-sidim...?

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(Yahoo! Groups)

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn and screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper Sticker, And the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, Naturally... I assumed you had stolen the car."

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Two blokes are talking on the building site about jobs they have had,

'Best job I ever had,' said the first man, 'Was waxing chorus girls legs.'

'Wow, that sound good,' the second man said 'How much to do that then?'

'A thousand quid a week.' the first man replied.

'A thousand quid a week! Why the hell aren't you still doing it then?'

'Only had two thousand to spend.'

(Yahoo! Groups)

SOUNDS LIKE THE GOVERNMENT

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit"

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Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
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__________________
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum



| Web Site | Forum | YouTube | MySpace | Facebook | Twitter | E-Mail |