An old man goes into the confessional
He tells the priest "father, I've been married for 42 years, always faithful to my wife, but the other day I was waiting for the bus, when a huge dark storm cloud appeared and it began to pour, I stepped into the doorway of a nearby building to get out of the downpour, there was a young woman there who also had been waiting for the bus.
She said "I live in this building, would you like to come inside, to get out of the rain"
We went into her apartment, her roommate another beautiful young lady was there, she asked if we wanted a glass of wine while we waited for the rain to stop.
Well, we had a glass of wine, then another one, and another one, and the girls started giggling, and before I know it the three of us are naked, and I'm having sex with this one, and then with that one and this goes on for hours..

The priest asks "when was your last confession"
The man says "I've never been to confession before, I'm not a Catholic"
The priest asks "Then why are you telling me this ?"

The old man says "I'm telling EVERYBODY !"

__________________
“ The subjects of every state ought to contribute towards the support of the government, as nearly as possible, in proportion to their respective abilities; that is, in proportion to the revenue which they respectively enjoy under the protection of the state.”

Adam Smith , The Wealth of Nations 1776

"We have always known that heedless self-interest was bad morals; we know now that it is bad economics"
FDR's second Inaugural Address

__________________
"I think that gay marriage should be allowed."
- John McCain on an episode of Hardball, 2006, before the commercial break

"I do not believe that gay marriage should be legal."
- John McCain on the same episode of Hardball, after the commercial break

"John McCain does not speak for the John McCain campaign."
- Tucker Bounds, Spokesman of the John McCain presidential campaign.

The straight talk express. You gotta love it.

I guess that's the punchline (my emphasis) and not the line below:

I mean the thouht of a Catholic priest with a...you know, a err, well, a[b]female[b]...you know, adult, that's just ridiculous!

They are like republicans in that respect...............

__________________
“ The subjects of every state ought to contribute towards the support of the government, as nearly as possible, in proportion to their respective abilities; that is, in proportion to the revenue which they respectively enjoy under the protection of the state.”

Adam Smith , The Wealth of Nations 1776

"We have always known that heedless self-interest was bad morals; we know now that it is bad economics"
FDR's second Inaugural Address

Wordsmithing fun...

Enjoy a few chuckles.....

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you

realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person

who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.


10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)


11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.



The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only
a nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been

run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with
yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies
up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

__________________


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

Word Spy

__________________
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum



Web Site | YouTube | MySpace

__________________
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum



Web Site | YouTube | MySpace

Work related...

__________________
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum



Web Site | YouTube | MySpace

__________________
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum



Web Site | YouTube | MySpace

Funny John McCain quote:

"At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you c*nt." -to his wife, Cindy, after she playfully twirled his hair and said "You're getting a little thin up there,"

--as reported in the book The Real McCain by Cliff Schecter

Lets try Your Mama's so fat jokes for a sophisticated change!


Your Mama's so fat people jog around her for exercise.

Your Mama's so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Your Mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbitting around her.

Your Mama's so fat, that when she ordered a water bed, they put a blanket across lake Michigan.

Your Mama's so fat when she sits around the house, she sits around the house!

Your Mama's so fat she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube, and it turned into a gameboy!

Your Mama's so fat she fell into Gran Canyon, and got stuck!

Your Mama's so fat her belt size is equator.

__________________

It all comes down to this on election day: Are you a racist, or do you look down on spastics?

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.

So he says, ‘Do you know me?’

To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,

‘Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???’

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, ‘No, I’m your son’s teacher.’

The latest chain-mail/spam rendition (I received a few minutes ago) of the age-old philosophical question of:

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

__________________
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum



Web Site | YouTube | MySpace

(original source: Yahoo! Groups)

An Atheist was walking through the woods.
"What majestic Trees!"
"What powerful Rivers!"
"What beautiful Animals!"
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly Bear charge towards him.



He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the Bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.



At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time Stopped.
The Bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very Well..." said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the Bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:



"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

__________________
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum



Web Site | YouTube | MySpace

(original source: Yahoo! Groups)

__________________
Marc "TheQleaner" Fisher
Unseen Head
The Illuminati Order

Novus Ordo Seclorum



Web Site | YouTube | MySpace