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When do your kids stop being your kids?

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  • When do your kids stop being your kids?

    Some people just aren't fit to have childre n, but do anyway.

    Last night we had a 19 year old young man sleep over the house who had been kicked out by his drunken mother and ignored by his neglectful father (parents separated years back). He's been homless for a couple weeks and had wandered too far from the church men's shelter he's been staying at most of the time becasue he's been spending his days walking down the road applying for jobs, he was applyig for a job at the restaraunt my daughter works in. He's having trouble getting a job or better housing becasue his mother refuses to give him his social security card (she's been using the number to collect extra welfare benefits). He let us monitor his communication with both parents to verify his story.
    We let him sleep over for the night. He helped move some furniture for us we needed moved quickly and carefully We fed him a big breakfast in the morning, packed him a bag lunch with a coupe extra energy bars and gave him a ride back to his own town after the wife had a talk with him. We recommended he tried to get into a local college as there are programs for people in his situation, consider joining military service but in either case he needs to go to the town police or county sherif and make a complaint against his mother and have them escort him to reclaim his papers and any property he has a claim on.
    The father is next to useless: "well, your an adult now you should be able to make it on your own". Which only works when your parents raised you well and have not screwed you over.

    I have one (barely) adult child who lives away from the house, I would not pay any of his biills but if he needed help like a ride to an interview, or some assitance with paperwork he'd get it.If he was in a hard spot he could move back long enough to work and save up for rent somewhere before I'd start charging him for room and board. Why do some peple decide at a magic number a child they brought into the world is no longer their child and should be sent away?
    Last edited by JDJarvis; 04-15-2015, 06:00 AM.

  • #2
    In my opinion, you kids are always your kids. Sometimes you need to teach them something through tough love but you never let you kids live on the street because they can't provide for themselves. My daughter will always have a place to go if necessary. Sounds like you did the right thing and should be commended for it. You also gave him some good advice. There are options for people in his circumstances and the military sounds like a good one for him. If he selects a good field, he will get some good training and some structure in his life.

    מה מכילות החדשות?


    • #3
      Originally posted by OldmanDan View Post
      In my opinion, you kids are always your kids. Sometimes you need to teach them something through tough love but you never let you kids live on the street because they can't provide for themselves. My daughter will always have a place to go if necessary. Sounds like you did the right thing and should be commended for it. You also gave him some good advice. There are options for people in his circumstances and the military sounds like a good one for him. If he selects a good field, he will get some good training and some structure in his life.
      Yeah, my girls will always be 6 years old in my mind. And if they need something, anything, I will do my best to give it to them. But I was blessed in that they both married outstanding young men, so they chose well, which isn't always the case when it comes to girls. But I would give either one my last dollar and go hungry if that is what it took. So, while they are adults, to me they are still my two little girls running around and who I will pick up and dress the scraped knee, metaphorically. But I taught them self reliance and the teaching took.

      I feel sorry for the lad in this OP. Too bad we cannot pick our parents. And good for you man, for helping the lad out. A little kindness is never forgotten, trust me. And such acts shows me your character, and that you are storing your treasure in heaven. (whether you believe in it or not)

      מה מכילות החדשות?


      • #4
        I have a 20-something, a 14 year old (son) and a 12 year old (daughter). I am of the opinion that I can only make decisions for them up to a certain point (and the age will vary, but somewhere in the early teens). At that point (where they are wanting to take responsibility for their own actions and decisions), I feel it is my obligation to start letting them make those decisions, mistakes and all. Start off slow, of course, like "haircuts" and "jeans/attire" decisions. But gradually move most or all of the things I've been deciding for them over to their plate. My 20-something was my first so I was only marginally successful at launching her into life as a competent decision maker. But (I believe) I am doing a better job with the younger ones.

        Don't get me wrong, as Dan said above, my kids will always be my kids. But now that they are becoming not-so-dependent on me for everything, I believe it is my job to make them into good negotiators and good decision-makers before they get out from under my roof.

        Final note: To those who would ask me "what if your daughter comes to you and says she's pregnant?" or "what if they come to you and tell you they're homosexual?" I won't like it, I will counsel them against it (in the case of my daughter, counsel against an abortion) ... but in the final analysis, they are not going to change their minds just because I say so: Some things, even those values that contradict my own, I just have to let go.

        מה מכילות החדשות?


        • #5
          I have a 9 and 11 year old (2 boys). I'm raising them pretty much on my own (long story). It's a lot of %$*& work :-) I just completed a medical class and am TRYING to get employment now ... so it's been very trying times. My hope is that my country can recover from it's stupidity and it's "Obama" so my kids can have a decent life.

          A few years will tell where we're really going.

          Ann Coulter thinks we're gonna be a 3rd world hellhole if we keep going this way - and she's probably right.

          We'll see what happens.

          Are there any decent human beings running for political office(s) ?

          .... and will Americans VOTE for any decent human beings ?

          We shall see ... what kind of place ALL our kids have to inhabit in the near future.

          I'm busting my butt raising good kids.

          מה מכילות החדשות?


          • #6
            Yep, I was blessed with three daughters to turn me gray before my time. But my home is always their home.

            But this 19 year old boy is in quite a different situation. Clearly parents that keep his SS card from him, to gain money for themselves, are not loving parents. Not once in my life have I ever put my needs before my childrens. I commend you JD, for helping this young man. If more people showed such kindness and as individuals cared for our youth, the children of our country would be in a much better place. Just knowing there are good people out there to help him, without even knowing him, may have him look at this world differently.
            Last edited by msc; 04-17-2015, 02:54 AM.

            מה מכילות החדשות?


            • #7
              Originally posted by Captain Trips View Post
              I have a 9 and 11 year old (2 boys). I'm raising them pretty much on my own (long story). It's a lot of %$*& work :-) I just completed a medical class and am TRYING to get employment now ... so it's been very trying times. My hope is that my country can recover from it's stupidity and it's "Obama" so my kids can have a decent life.

              A few years will tell where we're really going.

              Ann Coulter thinks we're gonna be a 3rd world hellhole if we keep going this way - and she's probably right.

              We'll see what happens.

              Are there any decent human beings running for political office(s) ?

              .... and will Americans VOTE for any decent human beings ?

              We shall see ... what kind of place ALL our kids have to inhabit in the near future.

              I'm busting my butt raising good kids.
              Ann Coulter may be right, but for different reasons than she thinks, given that I am familiar with her ideological beliefs.

              We are basically ignoring America's infrastructure, and its literally rusting and rotting, while not being wisely modernized.

              Our rulers have allowed business and banking to literally turn America into a source of profit, while not contributing back as has been traditional in America since the 1800s. There was always various degrees of contributing back, but its nonexistent today because of this greed driven globalization scheme. That scheme will continue to rot America, greatly affecting her citizens.

              Of course Ann would probably blame it on socialism, vis a vis welfare of course. while the welfare is the result of globalization. For when you disconnect workers from their jobs, the safety nets get used, in numbers like never seen before, even as we keep cutting those welfare benefits. Food stamps have been cut twice since 2010.

              Why is it so hard to recognize the fact that globalization stripped away millions of middle class jobs, and then many of those people end up having to use welfare? Or starve, but more than likely ending up in jail for stealing to survive. And jailing them probably costs more than if we would have given them enough in welfare to survive in the first place. Yet we would rather spend trillions, killing people in the middle east and soon it will be Africa, destabilizing those religions, in the interest of big business and bankers.

              But good luck to you man, for this is a bad time to be bringing up kids. And those girls get more expensive with each passing year. LOL. I raised a couple of em myself.

              מה מכילות החדשות?


              • #8
                Realistically, when are kids today taught to be anything be what they already are?

                The public schools are little more than glorified babysitting services, preparing students not to be self reliant members of society capable of effectively leading a family, but to simply take on enormous amounts of debt just to learn a skill useful to society. Then they can repeat the cycle with the paraphernalia of adulthood, design to last just long as the payment plan does.

                For generations now we've been taught to be solely economic creatures, largely ignorant of what it actually takes to live, much less be happy and creative. Kids are naturally smart, they recognize when things don't work, they just don't have the words and ideas to overcome it. So most of them just take whatever mindless amusement is offered, be it TV, video games, sports, drugs, the opposite sex, ect. to get by, until they lose the will to resist.
                Last edited by Commodore; 04-17-2015, 01:49 PM.

                מה מכילות החדשות?


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Blue Doggy View Post

                  Ann Coulter may be right, but for different reasons than she thinks, given that I am familiar with her ideological beliefs.

                  We are basically ignoring America's infrastructure, and its literally rusting and rotting, while not being wisely modernized.

                  Our rulers have allowed business and banking to literally turn America into a source of profit, while not contributing back as has been traditional in America since the 1800s. There was always various degrees of contributing back, but its nonexistent today because of this greed driven globalization scheme. That scheme will continue to rot America, greatly affecting her citizens.

                  Of course Ann would probably blame it on socialism, vis a vis welfare of course. while the welfare is the result of globalization. For when you disconnect workers from their jobs, the safety nets get used, in numbers like never seen before, even as we keep cutting those welfare benefits. Food stamps have been cut twice since 2010.

                  Why is it so hard to recognize the fact that globalization stripped away millions of middle class jobs, and then many of those people end up having to use welfare? Or starve, but more than likely ending up in jail for stealing to survive. And jailing them probably costs more than if we would have given them enough in welfare to survive in the first place. Yet we would rather spend trillions, killing people in the middle east and soon it will be Africa, destabilizing those religions, in the interest of big business and bankers.

                  But good luck to you man, for this is a bad time to be bringing up kids. And those girls get more expensive with each passing year. LOL. I raised a couple of em myself.
                  As Hillary would say; "At this point what difference does it make ?"

                  ... what the reasons for Americas decay are.

                  They're all of the same basic nature - we have become a nation that is not the America that was founded a free country, and that I grew up in. It is now a sick and corrupted playground for the unethical and immoral, aka democrats... or republicans ... again ...As Hillary would say; "At this point what difference does it make ?"

                  We've become a nation of passive idiots ruled by criminals.

                  This is a situation that can't last long.

                  Will idiots wise up ? Will criminals decide to stop being criminals ? Neither are likely, so the solution might be rather nasty...

                  Maybe not ... maybe I've got it all wrong ? I do hope so.

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