Announcement

Collapse

Forum Rules - You must read(Updated!)

DISCLAIMER

You agree to NOT use this site or its affiliated sites, services you may have access to as a result of being a member here (subscriber or otherwise), to post items (images, textual material, etc.) that are pornographic in nature, illegal in the United States and/or the country you reside in, support or encourage illegal activities (e.g., terrorism), advertise for your own personal profit, or send unsolicited messages (i.e. SPAM) to members or non-members.

AND

You agree that if any clause or component of this document is found to not be legally binding in a court of law of proper jurisdiction then the remainder of this document shall remain fully binding and in full force.

AND

You agree to NOT hold Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd. (makers of the forum software), uspoliticsonline.com, sites affiliated with uspoliticsonline.com, its administrators, its moderators, others associated with its operation, and its owners liable for any and all of the following (in whole or in part):
Personal insults/attacks by other members.
The content posted by other members, whether directed at you personally or a label/classification you associate with. This includes remarks you consider to be libelous or slanderous in any way.
Any financial or time loss due to your participation here or as a result of something you read at this site, including posts/PMs by other members and feature(s)/software available at the domain uspoliticsonline.com.
The dissemination of any personal information about you as a result of either your negligence (e.g. staying logged into a computer that others have access to) or willingness to post such information on a public and or private forum, private message or chat box. This includes using your real name or other details that could allow other members and/or the general public to determine your true identity. You are prohibited from using your real name on these forums, either as your username or in posts / PMs you write.

FORUM RULES, IN ADDITION TO THE DISCLAIMER

1. These rules apply to all sections of USPOL, including public and private forums, blogs, and visitor messages.

2. You cannot attack and/or personally insult someone. You cannot bait other forum members; this includes referring to posters by derogatory terms. Please, remain courteous and respectful to all forum members at all times. You agree to take responsibility for reporting such posts when you come across them. Please, use the ignore feature if need be. Any member who intentionally and continually posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response, or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion, may be regarded as a “troll” by staff, and have their account suspended or banned.

3. You cannot harass (sexually or otherwise) other members. This includes malicious, slanderous, or defamatory comments. If you are not sure if something you write is inappropriate or not then don't say it. Err on the side of caution.

4. Copying and Pasting Articles, and Starting New Threads. You cannot simply cut and paste in posts or when starting threads. You MUST provide the identifying information (source, author, date, and URL). You must also offer some original thoughts along with the cut and paste. You may copy and paste an excerpt or series of excerpts from the article. Excerpts really shouldn’t be more then a paragraph or two. Furthermore, if you use images or other copyrighted material in your posts or signature you must have permission of the copyright holder unless you know for a fact that the image is in the public domain. In addition:
a. It must include the identifying information; e.g., where available, the author, the publication, the date, the URL.
b. The member must offer some context, including: How did you hear of this article? What is your opinion? Why is it important to you? Why should it be important to forum readers? The more context you provide, the more you assist others in gauging the excerpted information's significance.
c. You may copy and paste an excerpt or series of excerpts, not the whole thing or even the majority of the whole thing to encourage people to read the entire article.

A violation of any of the above will result in the deletion or closing of the post or thread and could earn you a warning or suspension. If you have any questions concering any of the above please PM a moderator and we will be happy to clarify.

5. You cannot post the same thing in multiple forums. You must not open similar threads about the same or a similar topic. You cannot spam the board or send unsolicited messages to members via PM, email or any other means.

6. Do not post off-topic. You cannot derail a thread with off topic posts.

7. You cannot shout in posts. This includes posting in all CAPS, bold, lIkE tHiS, and extra large font. Posts should also be one color, although you may use an additional color for highlighting ideas you wish to address.

8. You may not alter quotes in a way that misrepresents what was originally said.

9. Multiple accounts are not allowed. If you are found to have more than one account all accounts will be permanently terminated.

10. You cannot have a user name, avatar, signature, or post images that are deliberately offensive. That includes the display of overly explicit or graphic images that may not be suitable for minors.

11. Signatures can not have more than three lines of text, with a font size no larger than "4", and no more than two font colors. Images in signatures cannot be any larger than 800 pixels wide x 200 pixels tall. Animated images are not allowed.

12. You are prohibited from taking any action to disturb the use of the services by others, distribute material that contains viruses, spyware or any other malicious code or harmful programs. This includes interfering with the working of the network, attempts to gain unauthorized access to a service or other computer systems that are part of the site or any other site, by use of the available services.

13. Discussion of moderation actions in public and/or private forums is not permitted. Moderation actions include warnings, suspensions and the editing or deletion of posts. If a member has a concern about a moderation action, he or she is invited to address it with the board staff via Private Message. This rule exists to protect the privacy of all posters with regards to disciplinary action. The moderator team will never publicly discuss the warnings/suspensions of any posters, and we ask that you return the favor, whether about yourself or another poster. Posting about moderation actions in the public forums constitutes a violation. You are free to discuss a moderation action via Private Message with the moderator involved, but you may not harass or abuse the moderators (as already specified in the forum rules). In practical terms, this means that once a moderator tells you his or her decision is final, no further PMs about that moderation action are permitted. If you have a concern about a moderation action, you are free to appeal to a Forum Administrator via Private Message. You may only discuss moderator activities or discussion of moderation with staff member if you chose to private message and are not under any circumstances allowed to use the PM function to forward or promote moderator discussion in regards to specific forum action, amongst other regular members. Administrators do reserve the right to read said PMs and may do so ; if that results in discovery of messaging between posters of such moderator discussion then it will lead to the same violation being received for discussing said moderator actions on the forum. If you receive a message to the effect of having been given moderator information, please report it to a member of staff. Engaging back in that discussion with the original violator will earn you just as stiff a sanction.

14. Do not ignore moderators or administrators. Do not repost something a moderator or administrator has deleted. You cannot have moderators or administrators on your ignore list.

15. Only post in English. Short passages in foreign languages may be acceptable if its use seems helpful for the ongoing discussion and when there is no indication of a potential violation of the forum rules. Always provide a translation into English in such cases. In case of doubt, the incident will be regarded as a violation, no matter of the actual meaning of the foreign language text.

16. The use of words/comments etc. written by other posters, without approval of the poster in your personal signature is not allowed nor are references, by name, to other posters allowed.

17. Please pay attention to announcements by Forum staff that will be found in the "Welcome! / News & Announcements" forum from time to time.

18. Use of "liar", "lies", "lying", etc. Accusing someone of being a "liar" or similar accusations towards other posters will generally be regarded as implying an insult and therewith as a violation of the forum rules. "I question the validity of your statement because...", "That's not the truth" or "you are wrong about that" are sufficient for any decent discussion if you want to disagree with somebody's assertions.

19. Thread opening restriction for new members. In order to control SPAM, new members must have moderator approval to start their own threads.

20. Thread titles must relate to the discussion within. Do not make misleading titles, or titles such as "Guess what..." or "You'll never believe this...". Members need to be able to identify the general gist of the thread via the title. Profanity in thread titles is not permitted.

21. Forum members are instructed to use forum tools and abilities for their intended purposes and no other. If members identify a forum glitch or weakness of any kind that allows you to see or do something you know you shouldn't, please report it. Being aware of any unintended access to the Forum and failing to take appropriate steps to notify staff of said access issues, will create a presumption of seeking to take advantage of the issue, will result in either account suspension, or banishment.

22. Any link to a site that contains graphic content, must contain a warning describing what a person might reasonably expect to view if they click on said link. No graphic pictures are to be posted on the Forum.

23. Threats or advocations of violence toward a public figure, or member of the Forum, will not be tolerated. Conversation about revolution or the like is not prohibited by this rule; directly calling for violence is, eg “It's time to kill every <redacted> that voted for the bill,” is not permitted.

24. Accounts with no posts will be deleted after 30 days. Inactive accounts with low post histories may be deleted after one year.

25. Private forums are something offered to members that decide to contribute directly to this site via donations. These donations help immensely in keeping this site up and running. Private forums are designed to allow the contributing member discuss whatever he/she wants to and to have the power to direct that discussion in whatever way he/she chose. They were not designed nor are they intended for simply talking trash about members that don't have access to the forum. While the targeted members cannot see the forum or the comments, it creates a negative atmosphere that really isn't necessary. If you want to totally rip apart ideas, ideologies, political parties, etc. that is fine. We simply ask that you don't use the private forums as a means to attack other members that aren't privy to such comments. It is difficult enough to have a political discussion forum because the discussion of politics is inherently heated as people are so passionate about their beliefs...the ones that take the time to come to such a site in the first place at least. The idea of private forums is so people of similar political persuasions can discuss whatever they want without fear of being attacked. Nonetheless, we hope that a certain level of maturity would foster itself within such an arena and not simply lend itself to a bashing forum.

Private Forums are governed by all of the above Forum rules. In addition:
  • Private forums that essentially become abandoned homes will be subject to deletion, donation or reorganization. Just like elsewhere in life, clubs sometimes lose their vitality and purpose for a myriad of reasons. If it becomes clear that a private forum has clearly lost its vitality and nobody is going to really use it anymore, owners are advised to consider whether to reuse the forum for something new and productive rather than let them linger or notify the Administration that the forum should be rearranged for other purposes, closed, merged with other compatible private forums, donated to others for new purposes, etc. Do not be concerned that your forum must be a membership and post count race with others to avoid falling under this policy; the question is whether your forum has actual vitality instead of being 'brain dead.'
  • Additionally, private forums may only be owned by subscribed members in the Platinum or Diamond categories.
  • Should the owner of a private forum be banned, quit USPOL or otherwise abandon the forum the PF will be transferred to another owner or closed.
  • Propriety of private forums. Administration staff will determine the desirability of a proposed private forum and enact any conditions upon it to ensure its purpose is productive.
  • Any and all instances of sharing accounts by allowing someone else to log in under their own account so they can see into private forums for which they are otherwise not permitted to access, will be deemed violation of the double account rule and all caught doing so will be permanently banned.
  • Relaying private forum posts and information to other posters who are not members of the particular private forum for any negative or destructive purpose (eg mean-spirited gossip, fueling interpersonal disputes, etc), is not permitted, and will constitute a violation of the Forum rules.
  • For purposes of monitoring USPOL Terms of Service Administrative staff (not Moderators) will have access to Private Forums.
  • All Private Forums must have at least one active Administrator as a member for purposes of handling issues which cannot be addressed through moderation permissions.
  • Discussion of moderation activities is prohibited on the open site and is likewise prohibited in Private Forums.

26. The administrators and moderators reserve the right to edit and/or delete a post,and/or close a thread, and/or delete a thread at any time if of the opinion that the post is too obscene, inappropriate, or the discussion has run its course.

27. 'Back seat moderating' is not allowed. If you take issue with another poster's contribution to the forum, you're welcome to report any posts you think are out of line, but you should not bring it up publicly within the forum.

28. Images in posts (whether embedded or hot linked) must be reasonable in size. 800x800 should be considered a good rule of thumb. Excessively large images make it difficult for users on mobile devices to load pages. If necessary please simply link to very large images using the URL tags. In addition, the following images are not permitted (including, but not limited to pages with images or videos containing):
  • Strategically covered nudity
  • Sheer or see-through clothing
  • Lewd or provocative poses
  • Close-ups of breasts, buttocks, or crotches

29. Any solicitation or communication involving sports betting / gambling / online casinos / bookies and or internet based card or slot machine systems or sites will lead to all said content being physically removed from the site and server, and will lead to any and or all parties involved being permanently removed and banned from the site to the farthest extent possible. This includes any links to any form of bookmaker, casino, any type of game or match or event where money transfers on the outcome or link of any sort to wire act violations and or anything in violation of either the Internet Gambling Regulation, Consumer Protection, and Enforcement Act, Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act of 2006, or the Federal wire Act. This applies not only to the open forum but all and or any chat rooms, articles, private messages and or private forums. All content that violates this rule will be deleted, without notice.

CONSEQUENCES

Failure to comply with any of the forum rules may result in your posts being edited or deleted and/or your account being temporarily or permanently banned from the forums. U.S. Politics Online uses a warning system that generates an automated Private Message to members when they are in violation of Forum rules. The decision to issue a warning is left to the discretion of the moderator or administrator handling the violation. If a member does not agree with an action taken by a moderator, they can appeal to an administrator after seeking clarification from the moderator who issued the warning/infraction and appealing to them in the first instance. Members MAY NOT harass a moderator or administrator by sending excessive PMs when they are discussing an appeal.

Violations are assigned a point value. Points are valid for 30 days. When a members earns 10 points, their account will be automatically suspended: five (5) days for a first suspension; ten (10) days for a second suspension; and twenty (20) days for a third suspension. If a member incurs an additional 10 points after having served three periods of suspension, then they will be permanently banned from the Forum.

Point values are as follows:
Zero (0) points – Warning
Two (2) points - Minor infraction / Non post infraction (minor) / Off topic posts / spamming
Four (4) points - Academic dishonesty / Baiting / Discussing moderator or administrator actions / Implying an insult / Minor insults / Moderate infraction / Non-post infraction (moderate) / Thread dumping
Six (6) points - Direct insult at another member / major infraction / Non-post infraction (major)
Ten (10) points - Act of criminality, or advocating thereof

The administrators and moderators also bear the right to issue warnings, temporarily suspend or ban posters for continued trolling or other serious misconduct (eg. professional spamming) even if the poster has not yet reached the maximum warning points or suspensions level. Other options if the above consequences do not seem adequate include placing the member in a moderation queue, which means all posts will have to be approved before they are posted to the board.

PRIVACY POLICY

All information obtained by the end user via the registration process is for internal purposes only and will not be sold to or shared with any third parties. However, if the end user participates in illegal activities and a court of proper jurisdiction orders U.S. Politics Online to release certain information about said user then we will act according to the law. Furthermore, no information will be released on threat of a lawsuit, attempted or actual intimidation, or due to any other reason except as notated in the first sentence of this paragraph. Nonetheless, keep in mind that the information we do have is very limited and generally only consists of the IP address a member uses.

SUBSCRIPTIONS

U.S. Politics Online offers several subscription plans to help cover the operational costs of the site. As a thank you for your donation, you will receive special added benefits meant to enhance your U.S. Politics Online experience. Plans vary in price, starting at only $0.05/day, and benefits vary with the price. Benefits include ability to go straight to new posts, to search the forum, larger avatar, private forums, invisible mode, photo gallery, email, web hosting, and no advertisement banners. Please, click here for more details.
See more
See less

Illusions that lead to an Affair

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

    I've
    Originally posted by RRAHH View Post
    The only thing I can really contribute to this thread - because I'm not married - is that I think marriage is an institution with all the amenities that come with being in an institution. That is to say, it's like being in prison. And worse still, the government is the real benefactor, with its laws and regulations and with its evil sidekick, the church, governs every aspect of said institution. This isn't even delving into the issue of rampant discrimination inherent in said institution.
    I've been in a good marriage and a bad marriage, a good marriage doesn't feel like a prison. The church had no impact on either of my marriages. I've benefitted far more from marriage than the state will ever appreciate.

    מה מכילות החדשות?


    • #17
      Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

      Originally posted by Good1 View Post
      [*]That which seems harmless is actually dangerous.
      What seems harmless? Flirting. Married people do it all the time, sometimes with body language, sometimes with seemingly casual, yet not-so-innocent touches, sometimes with suggestive comments, and sometimes with just a look.
      When you are touching it has stopped being innocent. Flirting has layers and on the outside it's one of the few ways we can say "You are attractive and or desirable, You should see value in yourself as such.". When it moves onto "testing" it has ceased to be innocent.

      [*]That which seems perfect is deeply flawed.
      The whole explination you give in this point is ridiculously shallow and adolescent. Many adultks cheat and don't for a second see perfection in the other person. They are cheating to reinforce their own self-image to regain some degree of control where they think they have none.

      [*]That which excites you actually deadens you.
      My wife still excites me, and not just in my loin. The biggest part of an illicit relationship is played out between a person's ears.

      [*]That which seems to justify your actions actually condemns you.
      Yup, justifications are simply excuses and excuses are justlike assholes, everyone's got them and they often stink.

      [*]That which seems easy is hard.
      Getting divorced was very hard. I had to see the reason for my seeking or wanting divorce was the death of trust but it wasn't my capacity to trust that had died but the trust between me and my 1st wife which had died, it wasn't a healthy or normal situation, it wasn't going to always be like that once I ended the relationship with my 1st wife and healed.

      Trust is the most important part of marriage and without that trust there is no reason to keep lying to yourself, family, and God and stay in that bad relationship.

      מה מכילות החדשות?


      • #18
        Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

        Originally posted by PeterUK75 View Post
        But what you want is for all comunication to be sterile and lack any sense of warmth. What you may see as flirting I may see as everyday conversation and I see the argument against any flirting as puritanical in the extreme.
        Yes, flirting can lead to romance and in some cases the end of marriages and relationships but to try and stop it because of that possibility is madness.

        The entire concept of stopping flirting is bordering on becoming Vulcan and completely devoid of emotion. You are free to be like that if you like but I doubt you will get many others to follow you as the definition of flirting is so wide as to be unenforceable.
        Is smiling at a lady flirting and how about laughing at a joke?

        I have never been or ever will be a philanderer as I'm 38 and somewhat missed my chance at those sorts of shenanigans.
        I'm also not Brad Pitt so not every lady I smile at wants to jump into bed with me unfortunately.
        I think there is a difference between complements/smiling/ect and flirting. Flirting has more of a sexual/love interest connotation to me.

        מה מכילות החדשות?


        • #19
          Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

          Originally posted by fishjoel View Post
          I think there is a difference between complements/smiling/ect and flirting. Flirting has more of a sexual/love interest connotation to me.
          So you say or even I say, which is the issue in itself. I would offer we all have very different lines on what is friendliness and what is flirting.

          מה מכילות החדשות?


          • #20
            Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

            Originally posted by Sluggo View Post
            So you say or even I say, which is the issue in itself. I would offer we all have very different lines on what is friendliness and what is flirting.
            And sometimes simple friendliness can be perceived by the other as flirting. I would imagine if you put a southerner up north, his friendliness, like the old family dog, could easily be view as flirting.
            Last edited by Blue Doggy; 07-03-2014, 07:52 AM.

            מה מכילות החדשות?


            • #21
              Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

              Exactly.
              Take someone from the US to the UK and you would have a huge problem working out what is considered flirting here as we are so reserved compared to you guys. Asking people to refrain from flirting is futile.

              מה מכילות החדשות?


              • #22
                Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

                Originally posted by PeterUK75 View Post
                Exactly.
                Take someone from the US to the UK and you would have a huge problem working out what is considered flirting here as we are so reserved compared to you guys. Asking people to refrain from flirting is futile.
                Sure it's futile, but Good1 was simply trying to offer up a way to keep families together, yet there is no backup for him in this society. In fact, society today is teaching people to be irresponsible when it comes to keeping a family unit together. It is more important to get personal ego gratification, in all areas. And this is all that matters. The downside of course is that such behavior and conditioning will always create deep problems for the society, as we see in regards to kids being raised up by single parents, and how these kids end up, which is generally in prison, which has to be paid by taxpayers or borrowing.

                The only way it could be partially addressed is by making it almost impossible to get a divorce, that marriage becomes a legal contract that one cannot bail out of, in the pursuit of personal pleasure. Our fickle ego is much more important than providing a two parent home for our children. Personal gratification trumps all, these days, which is a sign of just how deeply we have sunk into ego gratification.

                You know, the real reason for the 10 Commandments was to provide for social stability, over social chaos, for this is so important to any society. For most of those laws addressed social interaction of the people within the society. It was clear what damage is created by the behavior the commandments address. And since humans have always been greatly selfish and self centered, all chasing personal gratification at any and all costs, this was the driver of any law, such as the commandments. Beyond any religious reason. It is a human attempt at trying to create order, over disorder. I think if that isn't obvious, something is wrong with the brain that is perceiving.

                Of course what is wrong with that brain, is the manner in which it has been conditioned by society itself. That brain is incapable of moving beyond conditioning, for conditioning doesn't require thinking at all, you just follow the herd. And if the herd is indulging in incessant self gratification, then that is the society, and new people are conditioned to be just like society. So, what could one do, as a society, or as gov't, to change that paradigm? There are many ideas, but it is hard to get a self centered being to move away from his personal pursuit of gratification and pleasure. And that is the problem, isn't it?

                מה מכילות החדשות?


                • #23
                  Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

                  My divorcing my 1st wife had nothing to do with my personal gratification. I was tired of living with an untrustworthy, uncaring, negligent mother, who rebelled against me in her protracted adolescence (she once called me "mother" during a fight). The contrarian arguing became ridiculous. It was a toxic environment and our kids deserved better and got it. It came down to this choice I gave her "You can be an active and caring participant of this household, you can keep your friends and your interests but nothing trumps this house and those kids, OR you can move out" she chose to move out. I got primary custody of the kids and she didn't give a darn until coworkers of hers started to make her feel guilty and I remarried years later.

                  It isn't always the man f'n up.

                  מה מכילות החדשות?


                  • #24
                    Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

                    Originally posted by Blue Doggy View Post
                    And sometimes simple friendliness can be perceived by the other as flirting. I would imagine if you put a southerner up north, his friendliness, like the old family dog, could easily be view as flirting.
                    You put a "southerner" up north and odds are you created a sexual harassment claim over a southern gent holding the office door open for a woman.

                    מה מכילות החדשות?


                    • #25
                      Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

                      Originally posted by JDJarvis View Post
                      My divorcing my 1st wife had nothing to do with my personal gratification. I was tired of living with an untrustworthy, uncaring, negligent mother, who rebelled against me in her protracted adolescence (she once called me "mother" during a fight). The contrarian arguing became ridiculous. It was a toxic environment and our kids deserved better and got it. It came down to this choice I gave her "You can be an active and caring participant of this household, you can keep your friends and your interests but nothing trumps this house and those kids, OR you can move out" she chose to move out. I got primary custody of the kids and she didn't give a darn until coworkers of hers started to make her feel guilty and I remarried years later.

                      It isn't always the man f'n up.
                      So what you have, is that your first wife was only concerned with her own self gratification, and it was more important than a marriage. This happens on both sides, to men, and to women. The thing is, a person who is obsessed with self gratification is not a person who will last in a marriage. But perhaps like me, you were just not experienced enough in life, in human behavior, to see this before you got married? Not your fault, so I am not slinging arrows of blame towards you. She clearly in her demand for gratification is the one at fault here.

                      You know, I have known many people, with many in my own family, who managed to stay together in marriage, so that the kids had a stable environment to grow up in, and to be conditioned to. But in all of these cases, the marriage was far more important than pursuing self gratification, and there was a gratification from being in a marriage, with children to bring up to be responsible human beings. As you know, this issue of self gratification is always in degrees. That is, all of us are infected with it, but there is a line that when crossed, destroys relationships, and is so destructive of the children. On one end of the continuum, there is the sociopath, and these people are in far greater numbers than one might assume. At the other end is the person who doesn't demand incessant gratification, the Saints, the people with genuine religious minds. And there may even be a few atheists in that group as well. One of the most moral men I have ever known was an atheist, yet his morality was not dependent upon religious beliefs, and I have to think it was inherited somewhat, for his parents and siblings were all very moral, non self centered people. The more moral a man is, coincides with the degree of self gratification, I think that is a given. For self gratification, without concern for whom you are hurting, does have great meaning, and great power, and produces the society in which one lives. Society is nothing more than a reflection of the inner being of humanity. If the inner consciousness is sociopathic in content, and there are enough of them, or they can influence others to a great degree, the society will also be sociopathic.

                      I personally perceive the elites of this world, the filthy rich, as being sociopathic, for it takes sociopathy for any man to ever hoard huge piles of wealth as children die of starvation. Only a sociopath could do that. Sociopaths are also attracted to power, as in being a president or in congress, on the top side, and of being a low paid cop on the other. Not that all are sociopathic, but most of them are. So it makes great sense why the world has always been a great mess, for the sociopaths are ruling over the non sociopaths. I think there is truth in this perception, verified by simply looking, and then knowing what I am on the inside. For I am not really different except superficially on the inside than the other people that are middle class. We all have fears, we are all greedy to a certain degree, we all suffer from the loss of loved ones, and my sorrow is exactly the same quality as every other human being on this earth, as long as they are not sociopathic. Sorrow isn't different from me to you, it is just a common sorrow, a commonality that all non sociopaths share. The same goes for the other things as well, the psychological fears, the need to belong, the need to be loved. You don't experience your own individual psychological pain, that is special to just you, but all of humanity experiences the exact same pain. And knowing this, creates empathy, if the person is sensitive, and in contact with his inner consciousness, paying attention to it. OF course we are not taught to pay any mind to it at all, and therefore few of us really know ourselves. And not knowing oneself creates an opportunity for greater suffering, and it creates more disorder in society, and that is a destructive thing.

                      מה מכילות החדשות?


                      • #26
                        Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

                        Originally posted by JDJarvis View Post
                        I've
                        I've been in a good marriage and a bad marriage, a good marriage doesn't feel like a prison. The church had no impact on either of my marriages. I've benefitted far more from marriage than the state will ever appreciate.
                        For you, it may have been more beneficial. I cannot say, nor do I think, it is for the vast majority out there. The way the laws are set up is too skewed in the woman's favor with regards to the state and too skewed towards men with regards to the church. Both gangs benefit monetarily and in numerous other ways as well for me to ever view it as anything more than a society induced institution. But that's just my opinion and truth be told, it isn't worth much since I am not married.

                        מה מכילות החדשות?


                        • #27
                          Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

                          When counseling folks about divorce I'd say It's important for them to see it isn't just them and the spouse, there are a whole lot of other people involved. Sometimes its a failure to stay in the shit because you don't realize you have friends, family, and community that will be there for you. It is an illusion to think you aren't part of something greater.

                          מה מכילות החדשות?


                          • #28
                            Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

                            Originally posted by JDJarvis View Post
                            When counseling folks about divorce I'd say It's important for them to see it isn't just them and the spouse, there are a whole lot of other people involved. Sometimes its a failure to stay in the shit because you don't realize you have friends, family, and community that will be there for you. It is an illusion to think you aren't part of something greater.
                            I didn't realize that conservative minded people acknowledged the illusion of being an island, but perhaps I have you confused with someone else?

                            מה מכילות החדשות?


                            • #29
                              Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

                              Originally posted by Blue Doggy View Post
                              I didn't realize that conservative minded people acknowledged the illusion of being an island, but perhaps I have you confused with someone else?
                              You do, I'm not a conservative I'm a centrist. I also don't think conservatives (actual conservatives not simply right wing asses) believe they are each an island unto themselves either.

                              מה מכילות החדשות?


                              • #30
                                Re: Illusions that lead to an Affair

                                I was not expecting this thread to take this turn... But I am glad it did.

                                in my opinion, the primary cause of divorce is one or both have no idea what love is.

                                Most confuse that soft squishy feeling in the early stages of a relationship with "love." Usually that is lust or intense filial love, but it isn't what is needed to hold a marriage together and, sooner or later, the fluttery eyes get replaced by the common-place, everyday and the routine.

                                Love required to hold a marriage together is not an emotion. It defies emotion: "EVEN when I don't like you, EVEN when you have hurt me, EVEN when you irritate/aggravate/outrage/enrage me, I will remain." This kind of love is a commitment, not a feeling. This kind of love doesn't give 50%, this kind of love demands 100% from each: It says to the other, "I am primarily concerned with your well-being."

                                we do not normally see this kind of love here.

                                מה מכילות החדשות?

                                Working...
                                X